nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
