Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
