He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
