I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
