i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
