Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
