She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
