i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
