i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
