we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
