i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
