the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The air was thick with penises
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
