tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
