she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
