I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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