You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
