No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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