im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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