u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
