Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
