I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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