All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
