My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
