After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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