Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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