Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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