I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
