so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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