I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
