I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Randomize
