I am puke
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
