Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
