I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
