I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
