Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
