Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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