I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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