What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
