There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
