First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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