they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
