every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you win again, gameday.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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