Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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