I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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