so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
