blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
