Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
