Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
