girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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