I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
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