New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
