oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
