so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
