Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You are a genius and a whore.
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