I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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